He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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