Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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