Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You are a genius and a whore.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Congratulations! We have a period
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
