Who wears a wallet chain?!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
