wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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