saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
