ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
