there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
