he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize