What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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