I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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