You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
