I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
