Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
