i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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