i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
