My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
