i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
