Can i not drive my cunt home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
