you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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