Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
