Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
