i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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