If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
