But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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