ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
