so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
