i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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