After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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