i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So vagazzling was a success
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
