She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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