Cold hands, warm shart.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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