If i come over, it means nothing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
