No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
