Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
