I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
