When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
