My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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