Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
