Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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