So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
