Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
