Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
