If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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