the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
