She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
