Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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