Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
