I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
