I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
