I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
