apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize